Let's face it, we all have a little bit of control issues when it comes to a relationship, but that is only natural. For instance, you may want to go out with friends, and your spouse says "well, if you really want to I guess that'll be ok". You know from the way they said it, that they really aren't comfortable with you going, but that they won't stop you. This is perfectly normal. At that point, you will decide how to proceed.
The bad relationship is when in that same instance, they say "yes, go ahead." So, you go, spend a few hours with friends, and when you come home your spouse is no where to be found. They won't answer their cell phone or text. They are literally unreachable. In extreme cases, they don't show up until the next morning. This is their "punishment" to you for even thinking about going out without them. That is NOT normal. That is extreme.
There are other ways to tell if your spouse is controlling in this situation as well. Let's say that again they tell you to go ahead and go out, only this time they follow you. You may not even notice it at first, and you may not even notice it at all the first time. This is another extreme case, but both of these instances happened to me, so I know exactly what it feels like. I also know exactly how to deal with it.
The very first reaction you have to have is "no reaction". I mean it. Don't even act like you noticed nor that you cared. The first rule of a controlling spouse is to "control" and that is "control of your feelings". So, if you do not give over the control of your feelings to them, they have learned a valuable lesson...that you will NOT put up with extreme cases of control, and that you will NOT give into their craziness.
Dealing with a bad realtionship can be done. In fact, if you really love your spouse, you actually help the situation and help yourself, AND help your spouse in return just by learning some coping skills. I have written a Book entitled "How To Save Your Relationship 7 Skills To Cope And Enhance Your Life" in which I teach you some skills that we put into practice in the book that you can begin using immediately. This book is downloadable right now, and easy to read. I have included step by step instructions on how to deal with a controlling spouse, AND how you can turn your bad relationship into a good one and actually save it.
Here's cheering you on!
Karen Kay
http://www.ebook.relationshipcopingskills.com
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